Tis Difficult, To Live In This Modern Time With Non-Viking People!
How I miss the good and olden days of being a viking. Twas a marvellous by-gone era, and how I miss the way a viking could wander in to a neghbouring village and put a smile on his face by slaughtering a whole herd of cows who did not belong to him or his family! Twas excellence of the highest commandment! No worrying about this “money"or “debt"or chest of drawers rubbish!
Alas, in this modern era of accessories powered by the mythical “electricity” and other such wondrous magic, a viking falls on hard times. There are far too many things which can bring a tried-and-tested viking’s spirits down, but one such thing is the way of the bathing in the modern day swimming pool. It is a game I tell you!
My problem is very grave. I arrive at the swimming pool with sword in hand and ancient armour which I shall never part with – a viking must always assume that he may be under attack at any moment, even from children and “hoodies”– and then I am told that I must place my sword in the safety of another man! A man who is not a viking and can not know the insult that this demand brings to me and my kind! Every time a battle of nerves and speech ensues, until I end the battle by threatening decapitation of the man’s whole family at the blade of my trusty sword. Then and only then I am able to pass the white-faced opponent and enter in to the “changing rooms”.
I then change in to my pig’s bladder swimming wear, stitched together using the entrails of my enemies. It feels fine. And I go into the pool carrying the sword in hand.
Usually it ends In disaster. People think I will harm them with my sword. Sometimes the “police” are called and issue a “warning” to me. But it shall never stop me, not until I am incarcerated, but before that I will slay anyone who comes near me and threatens such action!
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