Oh, The Anguish
I am a modern day viking, living in London, but alas not everyone gives me the respect that I have earned in my many bloody battles! My biggest problem in day-to-day life? Health and safety, of course. Carrying my sword around presents all kinds of problems–there are rules for everything in this day and age. For example, If you want to go in to the country and kill a wild bore then you must have a license first. What lunacy is this!?
The Police are one of my biggest hassles by far, it simply must be said. Every day I bump in to them, and every day they tell me that I must leave the sword at home, for it represents a danger to the general public who do not wear armour such as I do. “But it is part of me!” I declare to them each and every time. “I would not ask you to leave your leg at home, would I kind sir?”
They always look at one another in a mysterious way and then turn to me and say, “OK, but please, do be careful with where you point that thing–maybe get a guard or a storage unit for it or something.”
And I say “I would get a guard, kind sir, but alas there are few vikings among us nowadays. I doubt whether they could justify producing just one guard for my single sword.”
The supermarket is another grave place where a modern-day viking must be watchful at all times. Several times I have accidentally stabbed people with the end of my sword completely unknowingly. Once or twice I have also cut apples into several pieces entirely by accident, but that was nothing compared to the time I undid a man’s flies accidentally with the end of my sword.
How he had a lucky escape!
Comments are closed!