To Be A Modern Viking Man
My Father was a very proud viking – he had slain a thousand warriors on the battlefield, give or take a hundred (depending on which other viking you ask and how drunk he or she is) – and now I am charged with that most wondrous of things to achieve: to follow in his footsteps, and to exceed his achievements if my capabilities allow it to be done so.
Only this modern age is hard for a viking, you know. Take finding a female to mate with, for example. In my father’s day it was perfectly acceptable to just waltz in to a public house with a sword, decapitate a fellow who had a fine female on his arm, and drag the female home for a night of viking pleasure and wine (before a comfortable if tense marriage ceremony). But nowadays this kind of behaviour can get a viking in big trouble. Indeed, the bars of the “prison cells”are so thick that not even my thousand year-old traditional viking family sword is capable of cutting through.
If only my father could be here now and see the challenges that confront a modern day viking! I fear that he would not last a single minute! Much less be able to comprehand the silly things modern people advertise for such as laser hair removal brighton!
One of the other problems a viking man of any stature encounters on a day to modern-day basis is where to leave ones sword. When walking in to a public house, for example, a sword can be mighty cumbersome, and is better out down out of harms way. There are cloak rooms for coats and places to put bags, yes, but as soon as a sword is so much as mentioned a bizarre feeling of fear and anxiety seems to cast a spell across all within the public house. Once upon a time I was even told to take my suit of viking armour and leave the place–and to stick my precious sword where the sun doth not permeate!
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