Viking Skills

Communication Woes

There are many challenges that a modern viking man must confront when living in the great city of London, or what I, in my oldy-worldy ways, prefer to call “the Big Smoke”. And no I am not talking about the persistant adverts for crazy things like laser hair removal… One of the greatest is communicating with other vikings. Yes, I could purchase a new-fangled “mobile phone” but I will not out of viking principle, and none of my children will partake in this terribleness either. No, for us there is only one form of communication, and this is how we do it:

When a viking wants to communicate with other vikings – to say “would you like a fine drink of beer this evening and to discuss the finer points of viking life”– he simple screams the loudest man-scream that has ever been heard from his residential window. Of course, amongst the hustle and bustle of the modern Big Smoke a man-scream that would have been considered frightful and extremely manly back in the good old viking days is now considered to be weak and pathetic; it is barely heard. Indeed it is beaten in to submission by the sounds of the dreadful traffic and people around it, and it can make a viking loose his self-esteem in an instant. So there is only one thing for it. A megaphone must be used. There is simply no other choice.

The only issue with this is that many of the regular non-viking human beings of the Big Smoke do not greatly appreciate these manly cries of essential communication. Especially very early in the morning and late at night. My neighbour, for example, will often shout “will you please bloody well be quiet you lunatic?”and of course I will answer most politely and with honesty: “No, of course I will not. Don’t you understand that a viking has to have principles?”

The argument is usually over swiftly following me showing him how sharp my sword is and noting how it has cut a hundred heads off for less.

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